It's strange the memories your mind holds on to. This blog is about my life, my childhood and how it defines who I am as a person and a mother. To start, I must tell you where the inspiration came from. I must tell you my story. I was born in 1979, and when I was three days old, my great-grandmother became my mother. She raised me as her own and gave me a very idyllic childhood. She was my rock, and in so many ways still is even though she is gone. She was 57 years old when I was born. I grew up in Memphis, TN in a very small three bedroom home. Small, but perfect. Just the right size. I had early bedtimes, three meals a day, and home cooked meals at that. She was very protective of what I saw on television, and what people were allowed into my life. I grew up on Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers. She made the best hot chocolate when it was cold outside after I walked home from school. She was always there. Always. There was never, not one day in my life that she was not home when I got out of school. I was never left home alone even for a few minutes. She never held a job outside of the home. She was a mother. Which I now know is the hardest but most rewarding job there is. When she got older, I became her caretaker. From 2003-2006, I was with her everyday. I took her to all of her doctor's appointments, made sure she took her medicine, did her grocery shopping, and was her friend. I will treasure the last years that I had with her. I think about her constantly. I never knew it was possible to miss someone the way that I miss her. You've heard the saying "Time heals all wounds." It is not true. It's been six years since she passed away and it not easier for me at all. I am hoping this blog will be in some ways therapeutic for me. I think maybe it will be good for me to write some of this out. To really think about what I learned from her. To honor her memory.
I had my first daughter, Ava Elizabeth in 2009. Her middle name is after my great -grandmother. I had my second daughter, Hayley Elaine, five months ago. I still can't believe I am a mommy to such beautiful amazing little angels. It breaks my heart daily that she never got to meet them. I wish with all of my heart that I could have one day with her. One day to show her my girls, one day to show her the person I have become. One day to tell her how very much I miss her and how I wish I could have the time back. After I had my girls, I started remembering things, little things. Special things. I began to see how much my childhood examples affect who I am as a mom. Little things I do and believe and practice with them. Things I cook. That is why I say she is still such an influence on my life today. I hope that if you have stumbled upon this, that you will see my heart in what I write. I am so blessed to have had the life that I have, and I wish to share this journey with anyone who would like to read it. I will go into so much more detail about my childhood, my grandmother, and my baby girls. I hope you will find my story interesting and will think about your own memories and how they have made you the person that you are today.
This is for you, Mamaw. I love you so very much, now and forever. This is for my girls, Ava and Hayley. May you always know the love I have for you, how grateful I am to be your mommy, and how the things I teach you are for a reason, because they were taught to me. I hope I can be even a portion of the mother she was to me. I hope when you are grown and have children of your own, that I have left you the same legacy of love that I have instilled in me.
I love you.
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